Baby pics...

As I said previously, we had a very long ultrasound yesterday.  The nice thing about it was that we received a ton of pictures of our beautiful baby.  It was quite evident that this baby will be quite the athlete.  Our little one did not stop moving for a second.  I had mentioned to Clint about two weeks ago that I swear I coulld already feel the baby move.  He asked if I was sure it was not gas.  I told him it wasn't.  I was suprised because it is about a month and a half prior to when I felt Jude moving. The baby was in constant motion and kicked and punched me repeatedly. 

This one reminds me of Jude because of the fist being raised.  It makes me believe that they will be into boxing and "boom booming" as well.

This one shows off its yoga moves.  The foot was all the way up to the forehead and the ultrasound tech caught the pic when the foot was on its way back down.

Last but not least...here is our little angel looking calm for just a moment.

Isn't she Beautiful?

It's a GIRL!

We're going to pass...

Today was our ultrasound appointment to see if they were able to identify whether there were any signs of Down Syndrome.  We arrived at Genesys Hospital and filled out the paper work.  When my doctors office tried scheduling this appointment for me when I was in their office last week, everything was booked.  He had the specialist who I would be seeing paged and worked something out to where they could fit me in.  I was ever grateful.  He had to drive from Southfield for my appointment and scheduled an ultrasound tech during her lunch to see me as well. 

The ultrasound tech was so nice.  She had a checklist of things she had to photograph and measure; length of arm and leg bones, measure fluid behind the neck, take picture of finger and toes,  check chambers of the heart and other major organs, etc.  I was on edge for much of the time and it was quite lengthy compared to normal ultrasounds.  It lasted about an hour.  One of her first questions was whether we wanted to know the gender.  We did.  Right way, I mean within literally five seconds...she told us!  As she was going through the process of fulfilling her checklist she would mention what she was working on and I would follow by asking, "is that normal"?  She was kind enough to tell us yes.  In the end, the ultrasound all checked out as normal, but we still needed to meet with the specialist.  We then went to another room where they asked some health questions and they took my blood pressure, weight, etc.  Afterwards, we were taken to what looked like an interrogration room.  The specialist hadn't arrived from Southfield yet so we waited for about half hour.

I kept telling myself not to get my hopes up until meeting with him and I was glad I didn't get overly excited.  I thought that he would say that because everything checked out on the ultrasound, we could put our worries to rest.  That was not the case.  When he arrived he asked many questions about our own health history as well as family health history.  He made a family tree as he was going along.  He discussed what to expect with Down Syndrome as far as life expectancy, what types of surgeries may be required, the severity of mental retardation that may exist, etc.  Pretty much all the scary aspects of it.  He then went on to say that just because our ultrasound showed no signs of Down's doesn't mean our baby doesn't have it. 

The only thing that the ultrasound did as far as numbers was move our chances from 1/54 to 1/81.  This was positive news but still poses a much higher risk in comparison to what is normal for my age.  He said the next step would be to get the Amniocentesis which would tell with much more accuracy but that there is a risk of miscarriage.  He left Clint and I alone to discuss it over amongst ourselves.  At first I was thinking that I wanted it just for the peace of mind aspect, but after talking with Clint, realized it didn't matter what the outcome was and why should we risk the life of our baby just for peace of mind?  It wasn't going to change our minds about whether or not we were going to continue with the pregnancy.  When the specialist came back to ask what our decision was, we simply said "we're going to pass".

So that is where we are at.  No confirmation on whether or not our baby will be born with Down's Syndrome but we are putting it in God's hands. We will find out the day of the birth.  I will continue to do research, learn more, seek resources and support groups just in case, but for now I am happy with our decision.  It is a hard decision with me being the type of planner/control freak that I am but it is what is best for our entire family.  We want to keep our baby safe and not impose any unnecessary risks. 

We would appreciate your continued prayers for a healthy child throughout the rest of our pregnancy.  Thank you in advance.

Beauty in any situation.

This morning I woke up thinking about how grateful I am to the people in my life.  There are so many people praying for our family and supporting us with kind words and gestures.  Sometimes it's hard to see the beauty in a bad situation, but already without the diagnosis I am seeing the beauty in this situation.  It has once again brought me closer to God and my faith, made me realize how wonderfully blessed we are to have the friends and family that we do, it gives me an appreciation good health and it has helped me to slow down and to live in the moment.  If Jude asks me to "come", which to him means come play in his room, when I am in the middle of something - I have simply just stopped and granted his request.  It's been wonderful and I figure, who really cares if I have a load of clothes laying on the couch to fold for an extra day? 

Our appointment is today around noon.  Wish us luck.

My brave face is fake.

I put on this brave face and have tried not to talk about it over the last few days but I am terrified for our appointment tomorrow for our ultrasound and meeting with the specialist.  I keep thinking over and over what could have skewed the results of the blood screening; something I ate, incorrect due date, etc.  Another thing that I am hoping it may be is the fact that I may have Gestational Diabetes again as I did with my first pregnancy.  I was tested right after finding out I was pregnant again (at about five weeks) because I was high risk.  I was told I would be tested again later on in my pregnancy, which hasn't happened yet.  I am hoping that I have it and that is the reason my blood work came back the way that it did.  I have read a few articles online which said that it is a possibility.  I don't want to get my hopes up yet. 

I keep prepping myself that it may in fact come back not in our favor.  Clint and I discussed whether I would be able to continue with school (getting my 2nd Bachelors in Education), get a job or whether our child would need my constant supervision.  Also, I have thought about what therapies we may have to consider, schooling, who will be capable of babysitting if other health conditions exist, who will take care of our child if Clint and I are to pass away...?  Another aspect I think about is how I would respond if anyone ever treated my child negtively.  There are so many questions. 

We do not know anyone who is raising a child with Down's Syndrome so I feel I have no one to ask how the experience is.  I sometimes wonder if I am thinking too much about it all together.  Maybe it is much like raising a perfectly healthy child?  I don't know.  I have read other blogs where parents have a child with Down's Syndrome, but the ones I have read do not discuss the questions I have above.  If anyone knows of a resource like the one I am looking for....can you point me in that direction?  I would appreciate it.

There is one blog that I read the day we met with my doctor.  I read it late at night and sobbed.  It's truly a beautiful birth story from a mother, Kelle, who had no idea her child had Down's Syndrome until she actually gave birth.  Initially, she was the only one who noticed that something just wasn't right.  Her story is documented with beautiful, honest photos as she had a friend who is a photographer like herself take of the experience.  The The blog is called Enjoying the Small Things and can be found here.  I can only hope that we have the support that this family received upon the birth of their child.  I get a lot of inspiration from this blog.

Please---continue to pray for us.